In the space of just a few days CORNISH PASTY POWER has reduced the country’s most senior politicians to a rabble of posing, posturing clowns.
Upper crust Tories from the Prime Minister downwards have been falling over each other to convince the public they enjoy the pies they’re mercilessly taxing – and failing hilariously.
Prime Minister Cameron boxed himself into a unsavoury scandal dubbed Pastygate , after lying through his teeth about when he last bought one of our national snacks.
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne was made to look an even bigger tit than usual after a Labour MP mocked his posh, pasty-deprived background.
Evil twin from hell Ed Miliband made almost as big a fool of himself by rictus grinning like a dead idiot as he toured a bakery and tucked into a sausage roll.
And across the UK ordinary people sick of being taxed for no reason joined Cornish Cllr Alex Folkes’ Facebook revolt to protest the complex and gratuituous tax on “Goldilocks’ food that’s neither too hot nor too cold – but of ‘ambient’ temperature.
Mr Cameron was knocked flat by Pasty Power yesterday (Wednesday).
The 45 year old Etonian told a packed press conference: “I’m a pasty eater myself I go to Cornwall on holiday. I love a hot pasty.
“I think the last one I bought was from the West Cornwall Pasty Company who, I seem to remember, I was in Leeds station at the time.
“The choice was whether to have one of their small ones or their large ones and I’ve a feeling I opted for one of their large ones – and very good it was too.”
The West Cornwall Pasty Company at Leeds station has been closed for the last five years.
The news came to light after reporters at the world’s second biggest online paper the Daily Mail asked Network Rail about Cameron’s pasty boast.
The day before Parliamentary proceedings got underway with notoriously posh George Osborne taken to task over when he last bought a take-away pie.
Labour MP John Mann asked the Chancellor: “When’s the last time you bought a pasty in Greggs?”
The toffee-nosed Tory replied: “I can’t remember the last time I bought a pasty in Greggs to be honest with you”
To which Mann hit back: “Well – that kind of sums it up.”
Finally Labour loser Ed Miliband got on the pasty-wagon and posed for reporters at a bakery, opposing the VAT hike.
The out of touch MPs are clamouring to cover their arses as it emerged the pasty tax is a bureaucratic farce in the making.
Nobody really knows when it will apply, and to what.
Cornish critics have pointed out from day one that taxing food judged to be at ‘ambient temperature’ is going to mean a field day for busybody bureaucrats.
South East Cornwall Conservative MP Sherryl Murray stormed: “Surely the last thing we need is to employ an army of thermometer wielding tax inspectors poking our pasties to see if they have cooled enough?
“If a pasty is sitting in a window and the sun is shining then is this pasty VATable?
“If a pasty is sold cold but an oven is made available to customers, is this then VATable?
“Would it be VATable if a charge was made for the use of the oven?”
Cornwall’s six MPs, three Tory and three Lib Dem, have all joined forces to lobby for the Pasty Tax to be scrapped.
North Cornwall MP Dan Rogerson is going to see if the Cornish Pasty’s EU protected status might mean it’s disqualified from the ‘ambient tax’.
Local Lib Dem Deputy Leader Alex Folkes is still pushing his ‘Say No To The Pasty Tax’ people power campaign .
And last but not least on the Lizard Ann Muller, independent pasty maker extraordinaire, told CCN she had found an immediate solution to the new tax.
Ann explained: “I’m going to put a sign in the window reading: ‘Pasties: Hot for the Rich, and Cold for the Poor’”
To add your name to the 2,500 people from across the UK who have joined the ‘Say NO’ Facebook page just click this sentence.
To mail HMRC with your thoughts on the pasty tax click HERE .
To sign the petition against the Pasty Tax click HERE
Or to download a hard-copy petition and post it up to Whitehall just click HERE