Dree-ee-e-am: Dream Dream Dree-am

INCEPTION is of course the long, long, long anticipated clever-clever epic from London wunderkind Christopher Nolan, who is pretty much the new Hitchcock: he’s British, he’s unique, he’s successful, and he’s enjoying an apparently never ending love affair with Hollywood studios.

The concept of Inception is that psychic adventurers can harness some mysterious and really shamefully silly looking near-future technology prop to invade your mind and fabricate a dream, which they then star in and manipulate in order to nick all those multi-million pound ideas you have (like a film about psychic adventurers who can harness some mysterious near-future technology to invade your mind and fabricate a dream, which they then star in and manipulate in order to nick all those multi-million pound ideas you have)

So Inception opens in a dream. It’s an odd dream in which the cast are trying to steal an idea, until they wake up and find it was all a dream. When they wake up, the man who hired them to show him they could steal his dream idea wants to know what went wrong and is about to let slip what his dream idea was when he realises he’s still in a dream, upon which they all wake up – and it was all a terrible dream.

Now the client – somewhat extraordinarily – has the ‘dream engineer’ dragged off and apparently killed because he engineered a dream that he could tell was a dream, and blackmails the dream team boss into working for him in the dreams of a corporate rival.

The client wants ‘Inception’ – the planting of an idea in another man’s dream. And off they go, ambushing the target by drugging him on a long haul flight and plunging him into a dream from which he awakes to find it was all a dream before being told by the dream team big cheese he’s still in a dream but not to worry because the dream team are here in your dream so we can defend you against imaginary dream stealers by steering you into a weirder and weirder dream which actually we designed all along in order to plant an idea that will take root when you wake up from your dream.

It was at this point in Christopher Nolan’s film about a dream within a dream within a dream that I fell asleep and dreamed I was asleep in front of a film about a dream within a dream within a dream and dreaming the exact plot of the film about the dream that I fell asleep in front of and started to dream during. In the film in my dream the characters woke up and realised it was all a dream before realising they were still in a dream and then waking up and realising they were actually actors in a film – in my dream – and they had to pretend to be in a film about a dream in which the characters wake up and realise it was all a dream before realising they’re still in a dream only to wake up and realise they were actually dreaming a dream within a dream and now they have awoken from their first dream they must get back to their dream jobs as a dream team of dream stealers and go straight back to sleep so they can get into another mans’ dream and reveal to him that he is in a dream before deceiving him that he has awoken from his dream and then re-revealing that he is still in a dream only to re-deceive him that they are again a dream security dream team in his dream with a dream scenario to defend him against the real dream stealers – dreamed up by the real dream team on the spot, in the dream within a dream – while in fact steering him into a weirder and weirder dream into which they can plant their dream idea. And then in the end of the film they plant their dream idea and they all wake up and realise it was all a dream, unless – maybe – they’re all still in a dream – in a film – in my dream.

And then I woke up and Tom Hardy was gay. He was gay in the film too – he looked gay, he sounded gay, he acted gay – but when I woke up he had told the DAILY MAIL he was gay, the Daily Mail being of course the Bible of responsible and relevant public interest journalism and it being incredibly important what an actor does with their cock. Unless – I’m still dreaming – and in my dream a gay member of my dream stealing dream team has gone into Tom Hardy’s dream and planted the idea that he is gay so he will wake up gay and then the gay dream stealer can go and be gay with Tom Hardy and live his dream. No, look, I didn’t say there was anything wrong with being gay, I just said maybe Tom Hardy went to sleep and woke up gay. Well because maybe a gay man went into his dream and made him gay by planting the idea that he was gay so he could wake up and realise ..oh forget it.

Ends

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